So lovely ladies...talk to me about increasing supply. I'm down to 4 oz while I'm away and baby girl eats 8. It's not just pumping output, it's supply overall. I can tell she's not getting nearly enough. She's 10 months old. I'm setting an alarm on my phone for every 3 hours at which point I'll feed her if I can then pump for 20 minutes. Please tell me it's not too late to recover my supply. I have no idea what happened. :(
Cleaning out the kitchen. Throwing away expired food sucks, but whatever it takes to make more space and get better organized. Saying goodbye to all the crap food as we finish it off (I'm too cheap and would feel horrible to throw out perfectly good food). Next step will be canning jars and jars to store food in the fridge/do our own sprouting. I hated grocery shopping before I started shopping at the farmers market, outpost, whole foods, and trader joes...buying healthy foods feels so refreshing.
Went out to maxwell street days this morning and had a great time with Amanda. Now for making some lactation cookies. Yum. So glad I finally found Brewer's yeast!! It has been an awesome weekend. Saturday morning I somehow managed to get showered without James here and started cleaning out the kitchen. Then when James got home we headed out to the Waukesha farmers market and saw Tracy there. Decided to head out to Bastille Days with her and her boys. Mason loves them, they love him, they listen to James. I'm so glad we became friends! Then it was time to head out with my work friends. We went gambling, then out to the bars and ended up at Bastille days again. It was so nice to have some adult time while knowing that my babies were home safe and happy with their daddy. :)
Anyways, lots to get done. Back to work!
Caelyn River is here! Started contracting on my own at 2 am today but waited it out until my scheduled induction time of 6 am. I wasn't quite progressing as much as they wanted so we started pitocin...it was 4 hours from the start of my iv until baby was here. 3 contractions worth of pushing and she was here. No tearing! Thank goodness! I feel awesome which is really surprising.
And for the stats:
7 lbs 13 oz (1 lb 3 oz bigger than her brother!)
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We'll think of this as a "baby registry", even though we're not really registering this time! :)
Double Stroller - Graco Ready2Grow LX Stand & Ride - $199.99
Double Jogging Stroller - BOB Ironman Duallie - $475.15
My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow - $42.00
First Years Gumdrop Newborn Pacifiers
Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags
Fisher Price Newborn Rock n' Play Soother
Green Mountain Diapers - Workhorse Fittteds
Green Mountain Diapers - Thirsties Duo's
Green Mountain Diapers - Cloth-eez Prefolds
Wet Bags and Cloth Wipes
Well, that about sums it up. I'm definitely looking forward to shopping this summer once we get the nursery cleared out! I'm so excited for this! Should be fun not finding out the sex and all... :) it'll be interesting to see how much we're able to set up the nursery without knowing...
What should I get for Mason for Xmas? Kidding...kind of. No really I'll figure it out. I just feel totally outdone by my parents gift for him. Oh well...
I want another baby...really badly. Must, take, MCATS, first...ugh...responsibility, it's a killer.
New happy meds tomorrow!! Mason's belated 15 month appointment cause I'm terrible and thought he didn't have another one until 18 months. Oops! Sometimes it's hard to remember to take your kiddo to the doctor when he's incredibly healthy!
I wanted to get so much done tonight. But Mason had other plans. Like cuddling. So I'm not heartbroken over not cleaning the bathroom or folding the laundry. I'll take toddler cuddles over housework any day of the week.
I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. :( I want a day off! Oh wait, I get four days off then I start a new shift...woo hoo!
Oh, on another, much more depressing note, we did not make it to the WHO recommended 2 years of nursing. :( I'm super sad about it. But Mason seems to be over the whole nursing thing. And frankly my supply is pathetic and has been for a while now...so the end was coming regardless. I really would have liked to have had another baby soon enough that I could have tandem nursed, but that's not gonna happen. Oh well. I have tons of good memories from when he was a peanut and a boob-monster! :) It was a good run. I'm glad that I stuck it out through the hard parts and that my baby never had a drop of formula. Makes me proud of what we've accomplished.
Alright, off to search for a ski patrol jacket and go to bed so that Mason and I can get up bright and early tomorrow morning. Joy!
Change is good, right? I usually think that it's going to be, but then I have trouble adjusting. I'm hoping this time won't be so bad. Tomorrow starts with a change. Tomorrow I get to get up early and go work out. I'm paying for this, so I better get my money's worth. I need to get back into running. Not having time at the end of planning the wedding was one thing. Not having time now is just an excuse to be lazy. No more being lazy. Back to having an outlet, stress relief. It'll make my day better if I start it out right. So, off to bed early. Cleaning and organizing tomorrow after work. This house is in need of some changes as well. I'm really looking forward to finishing the basement. Hopefully we can get the dry wall done this weekend and maybe look towards painting next weekend. Then working on getting a door and some carpeting! We'll get there! Hopefully... :) G'night.
Mason is so much fun at night. He's cuddly and playful and sassy, but listens when he has to! :) Love it. Love so much that he wants to sit on my lap and cuddle up with me. We sat on the floor and watched football tonight, it was awesome.
Alright, so it's done. I have registered for the MCATS in 2012. I will score higher. I will actually apply to med school and not talk myself out of/ whimp out of it. I will study my ass off for at least an hour every day from now until then. I will make my dreams happen. Here's to living up to the expectations that you set for yourself, even when your situation has changed, because dreams don't. I can do this.
On another note, I signed up for the Anytime Fitness right near our house. YAY! I'm thinking MCAT study tapes on my ipod while running every morning at 5 or 6 am...sounds like a good plan...lets see if I can make it a reality. Here's to big changes! :)
Thank you to everyone who made our wedding possible. To everyone who has supported us so far and I know will support us in the future. Thank you. Thank you James for being the wonderful man and father that I love. :)
Enjoying a nice night of watching Stargate Atlantis, writing Thank You's and sipping some hot apple cider from my new Keurig. LOVE! The only thing that would be better is if James were here with me...oh and if I didn't have a sinus infection.
It's amazing how we get to where we are. Today. This day. I went with James to go get a marriage license. Today I facebook stalked my ex fiance. Today I talked to an old friend, and old lover. Today I wondered how I ended up here. How I got to marriage. Me...I was never the type you bring home to mother. But he brought me home. Others had in the past. There were times I thought I had found it...true love. I didn't. I found solace in the arms of another. It wasn't a bad thing. All a part of growing up. Finding myself. But now that I've found myself, I wonder if this is who I really wanted to be. Don't get me wrong. When I look at the two of them, James and Mason, I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I wonder what happened to that passionate young girl that I once was. Is she dead and gone? Buried beneath the shroud of a mother? Does being a wife and a mother really make me so different from what I was 2 years ago? I'm going to walk down an aisle in 8 days and give my life to a man. I really already have...I've had his child, and I could never in a million years be unfaithful to him, but something just seems so final about that day. The end of my life as Kelsey Myers. The beginning of my life as Kelsey Baier. It's a hard pill to swallow. I didn't think it would be. Up until about a day or two ago I was the calmest person about that. I was more worried about the details, the decorations, the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup. I should have kept focusing on the details. Now I'm focusing on whether at 22 I'm ready to be someone's life. To have and to hold...forever. Forever is such a long time. How did I end up at forever? I remember being a child, completely infatuated with the idea of being my daddy's little girl forever. Then high school when all I wanted was to get away, to be independent. College, when I sought love at every turn. I thought I had stumbled upon it...really it was just an excuse to have someone else control the direction of my life...I didn't want to make the big decisions alone. I should have made the decisions myself. But I learned and I moved on. I laughed and I cried and I drank. I probably did all of those things more than I should have. But I enjoyed that time. I enjoyed staying up late and going to work hungover and doing it all over again the next day. I was wreckless with my body and I was free. I got piercings and tattoo's. I lived like there was no tomorrow, only that day. But I loved. I loved like I never thought I could. And I grew. I grew out of the shell that my ex had put me in. I became a better person for it. I learned so much about being true to myself and to my heart. And then I met James. And when I thought I had finally found a home I learned some of the most frightening news of my life. I was going to be a mother. Me. Drunk, loving, wild, adventurous, passionate me. I was going to be someone's homely mom. It was frightening, but we made it. I was that babies home for those 9 months. And I fought it, emotionally. It was a battle. I felt betrayed by my body, I felt betrayed by James, that somehow he had 'done this' to me. Even though none of that was true. My emotions have never been stronger than they were since I found out I was carrying that baby. Then one day, there he was, in my arms. My precious little boy. And there was nothing else in the world that mattered other than our little family. And my tiny little baby grew, as much as I begged him to stay little, he grew. He has become this crazy little toddler with independent thoughts and actions. He has become so much more than a little baby. He is my world. He can make or break my day with a smile and a hug. I could never do anything to hurt him. I could never do anything that would negatively impact his life. But I still have me to look after, right? I still want to sky dive, run, ski, rock climb, become a doctor. I have so many dreams, so many activities that I used to participate in that are just calling me. Yet I have no outlet. Not right now. Because I need to become a wife. Because I'm a mother. I know that it just seems overwhelming right now. In the midst of all of this planning. Life is tough when you become an adult. You watch the world around you spiral out of control as you struggle to remember to pay all of the bills and clean the house and plan for the future. It becomes a whirlwind of responsibility and suddenly you have no time to be that beautiful young woman that you worked so hard on discovering. So tonight I'm going to focus on how I got here. The steps I took to become the person that I am today. I became a chemist, a mother, a wife....all of these things for a reason. I didn't leave the girl I was behind, I just buried her for a while. I can be all of the things that I have to be and all of the things that I want to be. I can sit here and stay up late and watch my favorite movie. I can think deeply about all of the things that it brings up. I can re-live the moments of my past that I miss. I can still go out and have a good time every once in a while. I can take time to rock climb, I can sky dive, I can go skiing. I am still that passionate young woman. I just have to choose when to let her loose and when to reel her in. I can study and work hard at the goals that I have never stopped striving for. I can become the doctor that I want to be while still being the best mother to my child. It's okay to get nostalgic. Who I was has made me the person that I am today. I can handle that. I can get married and know deep in my heart that I am doing what I am meant to do. I am fulfilling my destiny, one step at a time. I am completing the journey. I am enjoying every step...